The Therapist Presence Series: How Presence Affects Others

Many therapists focus on learning techniques and methodologies, and ignore their most powerful tool - themselves. The effect our presence has in the therapy room is profound, and often overlooked. In my past two blog posts, I explored the concept of “presence” - noticing HOW we are and factors that affect that. Today, I want to start exploring the effect our presence has on others.

Our nervous systems react immediately, outside of our conscious awareness, when we come into contact with others. If we sense that the other is safe, our system relaxes. If we sense any danger or discomfort in the presence of another, our system tenses up, preparing to fight, run or hide. Our nervous system detects the threat or safety cues and reacts without us needing to direct it.

Just as our system reacts to others, their system is reacting to us. The more open and safe our presence is, the better the chances of another person reacting with relaxation and openness. I say “the better the chances” because we cannot control the systems of others; we can only present ourselves as safe. It is possible that our brand of openness is interpreted by someone else’s system as threatening.

Try this exercise

Find an area where there are other people - an airport, cafeteria, park. Walk through the area appearing harried and rushed. Notice the reaction, even subtle, of the people around you. It may help to focus on the reaction of just one or two people.

Try the same thing, this time strolling in a calm, relaxed way. Notice the reaction of others.

It is best to intentionally experience this. If that is not possible, imagining the scenario as vividly as possible is a fair second best.

Thanks, once again, for joining me in my exploration of the concept and use of presence. Next time, we will talk about the ways to intentionally use your presence as a tool.

Your comments (of any kind!) are welcome! Let me know if this is useful, practical, ridiculous, or anything else.